Song for My Father

As I have come to face my father's mortality - and my own - as we age, I find myself thinking more and more about the influence he has had on my life. I am his second child, his second daughter, the one he might gift a baseball cap while my sister received pretty ribbons. I share his love of knowledge, of reading, of jazz. I share his eye color, his love of dogs, his dry wit, his cynicism and sarcasm about the state of the world. We are opinionated and stubborn. Our circle of trusted friends is small but loyal. We do not suffer fools lightly and still have not mastered the art of keeping that tactfully to ourselves.

On many levels, Pop is a fiction in my head. He was in the U.S. Navy when I was growing up. The nature of his work kept him away from home during much of my childhood. When he came home after months at sea it was mostly a celebration until he left again. My mother was the caretaker, homemaker, teacher, disciplinarian; Pop was the fun guy who traveled the world and came home bearing gifts from exotic places while Ma raised a bunch of kids - including my father. I still don't completely understand why or how she chose to live the life she lived but that's a story for another day.

My younger siblings have undoubtedly had a different life with Pop. By the time he retired and was home permanently I had left home and was off on my own adventures. I did not share my siblings' experience of a day-to-day father-in-residence but I never felt that I missed out. In fact, our laissez-faire father-daughter relationship allowed us both to live in the memories and imaginings of each other that fit neatly and unconditionally in our hearts.

Half-passed Black

Just some articles I've read ... trying to put my heritage and extended family into perspective.


Passing: How posing as white became a choice for many black Americans

'A Chosen Exile': Black People Passing In White America

The Invisible Line Between Black and White

Exceptions to the “One Drop Rule”? DNA evidence of African Ancestry in EuropeanAmericans

The Passing of Passing: A Peculiarly American Racial Tradition Approaches Irrelevance

The Mystery of Myrtle Coker

Myrtle L. Coker

According to my Aunt Ginny, her Aunt Myrtle hadn't been heard from since she sent a telegram to my great-grandmother in 1933 acknowledging the death of my grandfather, her brother, Lonnie Coker. She was living in Washington State at the time.

Following Aunt Myrtle's trail has not been easy. She appears with the rest of the G.W. Coker family in the 1900 census in Yellville, Arkansas where she was born, then later with them in Joplin, Missouri in 1910.

Myrtle married Bert Patterson January 25, 1913 in Carthage, Missouri. From here the trail gets murky. When Bert registered for the WWI draft (12 Sep 1918) he was working as a horseshoer in Augusta, Kansas but gave 1024 North St., Joplin, Missouri as his home address. His wife Myrtle L. Patterson at that address was listed as next of kin. Bert is recorded as a white male of medium build with brown hair. The address on North Street is just  block from Myrtle's family home (922 North St.) in Joplin.

The 1920 census shows a white family group living in Augusta, Kansas - Albert Patterson, wife Myrtle L Patterson, and niece Clema Watkins, Myrtle's late sister Maud Coker Watkins had a daughter named Clemma. Another coincidence, Myrtle's cousin David Stinnett was also living in Augusta in the same time frame.

I don't know what happened between Myrtle and Bert. She shows up in Seattle, Washington in a 1923 marriage record. Even though the bride's name on this record is Lillian Patterson (the "L" in Myrtle L Patterson?) I was fairly sure this was our Myrtle because one of the witnesses is Alfred Stinnette, who I believe is another cousin, the son of William and Fannie Stinnett of Muskogee, Oklahoma.

Marriage certificate of Lillian Patterson and Arthur S. Ramsden

The 1930 census lists Lillian Ramsden as a divorced beauty shop operator boarding in a house on Warren Ave. in Seattle. Aunt Ginny said that Myrtle used to do hair in Joplin.

Lillian Ramsden marries again in Vancouver, Washington in 1936. This time to Claude Siner. And this time I have a record that ties her to my family. George Coker and Anna Stinnette of Missouri are listed as her parents on the marriage record.

Marriage record for Claude Sine and Lillian Ramsden.

According to articles in the Nevada State Journal (Reno, Nevada, Feb 28, 1945) Lillian Siner filed for divorce from Claude Siner AND applied for a marriage license to Leonard A. Schelling of Tule Lake, California. Both articles appeared in the same issue of the Journal under the headings Marriage Licenses and Actions Filed.

Santa Rosa, California city directories list a Leonard A. and Lillian Schilling from the late 1940s until the early 1970s. After that I found a 1975 death record for a Leonard Schelling in Florida but nothing else on Lillian. I don't know if they were still married at the time of his death or whether this is even the same Leonard Schelling (though the fact that his Social Security card being issued in Oregon leads me toward that conclusion). There is also a 1985 death record for a Lillian Schelling in Napa, California. I'll have to get a death certificate and hopefully confirm Myrtle's identity. 

So here I have Aunt Myrtle (AKA Lillian), white, independent beauty operator, married four times. I would love to have more details of her life. I wonder if she preceded Leonard in death, if they stayed married for 30 years, if she'll turn up with yet another surname; so many questions Aunt Myrtle. I'll keep looking for you.